Arutz Sheva News Jewish News

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Train

clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack
clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak

clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack
clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack
Mama clack clickity clack clickity clack
I’m cold and hungry clack clickity clack
clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak ca lak

Rest little one clickity clack clickity clack
The soldiers said clickity clack that we would have
clickity clack showers clack clickity clack
and hot soup clack clickity clack when we arrive
clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack
clickity clack clickity clack clickity clack

Monday, January 29, 2007

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Slams Israeli Scientific Breakthrough

International World Jewish News, Tel Aviv, Israel

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, while being interviewed by the press late last night, let it slip that doctors in Israel have just made the scientific breakthrough of the ages. However, world reaction was swift. Muslims around the globe are rioting and burning effigies. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in his visit with EU leaders, is reported to have shouted that it was for things like this that the Zionist Entity must be wiped off the map. E.U. scientists attending a conference in Jerusalem were quick to distance themselves from the Israeli scientific community. The U.N. Security Council released a statement condemning Israel and the P.A. put out a jarring attack through PA Radio saying they had always suspected Israel's role in the death of their beloved leader Yassar Arafat and that this is direct proof. In Rome this morning when the Pope was given the news, he just nodded his head and said he expected as much while in Washington President Bush decided he wanted rice for dinner after all.

In Jerusalem the Knesset went into emergency session, many pointing fingers relating this new situation to Olmert's inept handling of the recent war in Lebanon this past summer. Labor party members are saying this new slip of the tongue is not good for the country and are threatening to call for a vote of no confidence.

International World Jewish News was able to catch Dr. Shmuel Jabinsky, the lead researcher, near The Technion, which is the Israel Institute of Technology, in Haifa earlier today. The following interview took place.

IWJN: Dr. Jabinisky, What lead to this amazing discovery?
Dr. J: Well we have always expected this was the case and the more we studied geriatrics the more convinced we became.
IWJN: Can you elaborate?
Dr. J: Well yes, um, to put it in layman's terms, well, you read about all those in scripture of this person begat so and so who then begat someone else and so on. There was a lot of begatting going on. Yes, well, but if that is true then where is everyone? The world should be a lot more crowded.
IWJN: Dr. Jabinsky, are you saying...
DR. J: Yes of course, our theory has been proven as fact without doubt.
IWJN: And that is?
Dr. J: The infinite structure of the molecular and cellular genome has been proven to be the antithesis of ad infinitum.
IWJN: Can you restate in words our readers can understand Doctor?
Dr. J: Yes, of course, well, um, life is terminal my dear, terminal.

Note: Due to some of the comments I have received on this I need to say that this is satire. Unfortunately it isn't far from the truth.

Friday, January 26, 2007

International Day Of Prayer For Israel

Terrorism and war have threatened Israel since its founding in 1948. Her birth and continued existence has been paid for with fire and Jewish blood. Israel has always been able to prevail through the mercy of God, blessed be He, and the prayers of many.

After the war with Lebanon this past summer, it has become evident that Israel's enemies have re-armed themselves with more lethal weapons and renewed shouts of Jihad. With her enemies gathering and shouting to wipe Israel off the map, prayer is one of the most important things that can be done.

" Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly. Gather the people, Let them say, "Spare your people, LORD. Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn, a byword among the nations. Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?' " ( Joel 2:15-17)

"This Sunday, January 28, on The Fellowship's 2007 International Day of Prayer and Solidarity for Israel, we as Jews have an opportunity to unite with Christians worldwide in raising a chorus of prayer to God for Israel's security, well-being, and protection. In the face of these grim realities, it is especially comforting and encouraging to know that, in just a few days, Christians in churches around the world will pray for Israel. They will gather in churches of all sizes, from suburban megachurches with thousands of members to small rural congregations, and in countries as far-flung as Tanzania, Kenya, Malaysia, India—and, of course the U.S. But, wherever they are, and whatever language they speak, their appeal for God's blessing and protection upon Israel will be heard by Him." (Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein)

As we gather to send our prayers to God, or even if we just pray alone, we cry out for His help one more time and then we remember the promise in Joel as it says, " Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the LORD your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed."

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Morning News from Israel


With auto sales down, soaring prices at the pump along with a future possibility of fuel rationing, Israeli auto companies are adjusting with the introduction of the Desert Glider. Although slower on the straight stretch, the Desert Glider, with all terrain drive, has top fuel efficiency and is able to go where no one has gone before. See your local dealer to arrange a demonstration today.


In a surprise visit to inspect IDF retraining efforts to overcome last summers balagan, government officials landed right in the middle of heavy training exercises. They wanted to see first hand the new equipment the Americans had left after their most recent disengagement of aid and arms shippments to Israel, and what the pull back of American aid actually looked like.

Freezing in the dark.

As if getting up in the middle of the night isn’t insult enough to my poor rest starved body, my eyes popped open a half hour before my alarm. 4:30 AM Oy Vey. Let’s see, “Modeh ani,” ummmm something about my soul being restored. At this early I think it must still be wondering around where ever it goes.

The sun doesn’t even come up for another several hours, 9:44 this morning. Wow, it’s coming up earlier than 10 AM now, then down again at 4:43 PM for a grand total of 6 hours and 53 minutes of daylight today. Go to work in the dark, come home in the dark, dress like the marshmallow man to stay war, no wonder I feel like a lump of something. If you see a little lump of something just oozing along with a tiny little Kippah, that’s probably me.

We tried to take the dog out for a walk last night, or perhaps it was afternoon, oh well, it was dark whenever it was. The dog didn’t want to go and tried running to hide.

Life on the last frontier. We’ve done 1000 mile sled dog trips, driven down a frozen river in a Land Rover (I guess they really do go everywhere), journeyed 60 miles over the tundra by snow mobile to the next town that actually had a restaurant (what a treat), sat in Eskimo steam houses, and much more.

Every now and then, when I don’t particularly want to kvetch about anything, or enlighten the world with earth shattering statements, or when my brain gets too frozen to think, (alright I know what you’re going to say on that one), I’ll slip in a true life adventure of living on the Last Frontier.

That’s Alaska in the middle of winter. I always tell people, especially those new to the north, never ever make life decisions in Alaska between December and May. You will regret it later. Just work on keeping your sanity.

Monday, January 22, 2007


Memories of Bubba are few
But her face was beautiful
In the candle light
With the beauty of our People.

Remember the Shabbat
And keep it Holy
Six days we are given to work
On the seventh we rest.

You shall love the Lord your G-d
With all your heart
With all your soul
With all your strength.

Six million
Blessed are You O Lord our G-d
You raise the poor from the dust
And lift the beggar from the ash heap.

Sound the shofar in Zion
And the children laugh in Hebrew
In the candle light
With the beauty of our People.

Monday, January 15, 2007

To Kvetch Or Not To Kvetch

BARUCH HASHEM!!! That says it all. If we only look at the majesty of creation, I mean really look, how can we help but be awed. From the tiny microscopic to the universe itself, everything fits, has its place, works together. What a beautiful system.

As human beings, and especially as Jews, we have a responsibility of Tikun Olam (making the world a better place). When we fit into our place as we were meant to we cannot help but say, "Baruch HaShem!" Why then, as human beings, are we so good at moaning, groaning, complaining ... in short, kvetching.

In the last years my mother was living she learned to see HaShem in all things, even the lowliest of human beings. I am proud to say that one year she received the Volunteer of the Year Award for all British Columbia. However, there was a time she was an accomplished kvetcher. She was so accomplished that, when going to visit her, I would start feeling guilty about the time the pilot announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have just begun our descent and will be landing in approximately 20 minutes." By the time I arrived at her house I was willing to confess to anything and even sign a statement that the world was indeed falling apart. She would then say something like, "You really didn't have to come to visit and I don't want to trouble you to fix my lamp. I am very happy being alone and sitting in the dark." May HaShem bless her.

Taking example of the new joy my mother had in her last few years, I try to see the hand of HaSham in everything while endeavoring to surround myself in a "No Kvetching Zone." I'm not entirely sucessful yet but I am happy and full of joy most of the time when I'm in the "zone."

You know those catalogues that aren't wanted but stuff your mail box anyway? While looking through one the other day I found a coffee cup that I simply must send for. It has the greatest thing written on it, "No Kvetching."

This afternoon, as I came from Shul, I saw a woman standing by the side of the street with a sign that said, "Peace." She had a big smile and was waving to all who went past her. That brought a big smile to me and the exclamation of, "Baruch HaShem." She was doing her bit for Tikun Olam. Alaska gets so cold sometimes that I almost freeze my.... well I almost freeze my toes off. It's dark, snowy, cold, and winter last for eight months. Baruch HaShem ... I opened my eyes this morning and my soul was in my body. Even though my body hurts I must say, Baruch HaShem ... my heart is beating, muscles working, and brain functioning (although depending on who you ask that might be debatable). As we each say, "Baruch HaShem," we each begin to participate in Tikum Olam.

So ... let's end where we began ... BARUCH HASHEM!!!

The News Is Like A Soap Opera

My gosh, it's late and I'm just waking up. How do I know it's late? Because it's light outside. That's life in Alaska. If you wake up and it's light then it must be the middle of the day. I was just having a dream about being in a class learning how to feed babies and change diapers. Yikes! Been there, done that, have the T-shirt, don't want a repeat. OK... "Sh'ma Israel.... " Get up, get coffee, look at the news.

Is the world still there? You would never know by reading the local paper. At our synagogue in Anchorage we call ourselves "The Frozen Chosen." It's an Alaskan thing. In this state of of being frozen I think the editors of our local newspaper all have brain freeze, at least when it comes to anything besides local news. So, take my coffee to the computer and check out Internet news.

Ah, everything is as it still was, nothing has changed much. Israel is still there, Olmert is still talking about giving away land, the U.S. is stopping arms shipments to Israel but still giving weapons to the P.A., Gush Katif people are still getting hammered, the IDF must not fire at the terrorist launching rockets at Israelis, Syria is still a growing threat, Iran is still threatening to wipe Israel off the map and no one is doing much about it, and so on. I read about a recent poll that says Israelis are tending more and more toward apathy. Well duh! Who wouldn't with news like this.

I learned once how the news is like a soap opera. The only thing that changes is the names. When I lived in a tiny village in bush Alaska (that's 400 miles from the nearest road) I used to go several weeks without seeing a newspaper. When one came in, the headlines were all the same, nothing had changed. With our local (actually state wide) newspaper, at least you might know some of the people. Then everyone can sit around and talk about how good Aunt Sarah's apple pies are. Perhaps the editors don't have brain freeze after all.