Arutz Sheva News

JPost.com Jewish News

Monday, January 29, 2007

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Slams Israeli Scientific Breakthrough

International World Jewish News, Tel Aviv, Israel

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, while being interviewed by the press late last night, let it slip that doctors in Israel have just made the scientific breakthrough of the ages. However, world reaction was swift. Muslims around the globe are rioting and burning effigies. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in his visit with EU leaders, is reported to have shouted that it was for things like this that the Zionist Entity must be wiped off the map. E.U. scientists attending a conference in Jerusalem were quick to distance themselves from the Israeli scientific community. The U.N. Security Council released a statement condemning Israel and the P.A. put out a jarring attack through PA Radio saying they had always suspected Israel's role in the death of their beloved leader Yassar Arafat and that this is direct proof. In Rome this morning when the Pope was given the news, he just nodded his head and said he expected as much while in Washington President Bush decided he wanted rice for dinner after all.

In Jerusalem the Knesset went into emergency session, many pointing fingers relating this new situation to Olmert's inept handling of the recent war in Lebanon this past summer. Labor party members are saying this new slip of the tongue is not good for the country and are threatening to call for a vote of no confidence.

International World Jewish News was able to catch Dr. Shmuel Jabinsky, the lead researcher, near The Technion, which is the Israel Institute of Technology, in Haifa earlier today. The following interview took place.

IWJN: Dr. Jabinisky, What lead to this amazing discovery?
Dr. J: Well we have always expected this was the case and the more we studied geriatrics the more convinced we became.
IWJN: Can you elaborate?
Dr. J: Well yes, um, to put it in layman's terms, well, you read about all those in scripture of this person begat so and so who then begat someone else and so on. There was a lot of begatting going on. Yes, well, but if that is true then where is everyone? The world should be a lot more crowded.
IWJN: Dr. Jabinsky, are you saying...
DR. J: Yes of course, our theory has been proven as fact without doubt.
IWJN: And that is?
Dr. J: The infinite structure of the molecular and cellular genome has been proven to be the antithesis of ad infinitum.
IWJN: Can you restate in words our readers can understand Doctor?
Dr. J: Yes, of course, well, um, life is terminal my dear, terminal.

Note: Due to some of the comments I have received on this I need to say that this is satire. Unfortunately it isn't far from the truth.

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