AHMADINEJAD OFFERS GIFT TO ISRAEL

JEWLARIOUS SATIRE: After he announced an "Easter gift" to England, releasing 15 naval officers illegally captured in Iraqi waters, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced a "Pre-Shavuous Gift to Israel" - a new peace initiative for the Middle East. Calling his plan a "trial balloon which we offer the vermin and infidels in the spirit of true brotherhood and understanding," Ahmadinejad offered, in his words, "a plan which Israel must accept or face complete annihilation."

At a Tehran-based Press Conference, Ahmadinejad unveiled his central tenet: "Israel must withdraw to the 586 B.C.E. borders when they were exiled from the land by our Babylonian cousins, and must allow all of the native sheep and goats displaced in any conflicts and their offspring to return."

Seated beside Ahmadinejad, UN Envoy to the Middle East, Alvaro de Soto, immediately applauded the plan, stating, "We see this as a constructive way forward. We admire the Iranian President's courage and his boldness in offering fresh and untested ideas." A testy Ahmadinejad continued, "I am not done yet and if you interrupt again, I will break your arm. We demand that as part of the peace process, Iran be allowed to make its nuclear weapons program operational and will use such weapons on any Israeli who returns." A cautious De Soto called the proposal, "reasonable and workable - ideas which will not change the daily life of any Israeli citizen." He then paused and added, "Please don't break my arm."

Rounding out his plan, Ahmadinejad added, "We demand that all the locusts and pestilence currently living in the land of Mohamed convert to Islam and stop pretending that the Holocaust happened. We require the country of Lucifer's children to change its name to 'Iran' and absolve itself of democracy. We insist that the Iron Shiek be recognized as the greatest WWF wrestler of all time and be placed on all coins and stamps circulating in the region." When pressed Ahmadinejad conceded that, if Israel met his conditions, Iran would consider normalizing relations with "Satan's earthly messengers of hell and damnation" within five to ten years.

In response to the Ahmadinejad Plan, Israeli Government Spokesman, Mark Regev, declared the plan, "absurd as can be" and added, "even the recognition of the Iron Shiek - the most logical point of the bunch -- is really a non-starter."

Danish President, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, then criticized Israel, stating, "This narrow-mindedness is typical of Israel. Why won't Israel change its name to Iran and give up all democratic rights for peace?" Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg added, "This could be an Iranian Oslo, but Israel just can't see the mutual benefits herein."

Embracing the plan, former President Jimmy Carter called for, "universal recognition and acceptance" and called on the Nobel Committee to award its Peace Prize to Ahmadinejad immediately. Carter added, "If they gave one to Arafat, how hard would it be to get Ahmadinejad one?"

Contacted in Syria, Bashar Assad added, "This plan is just crazy enough to work."

The original, and more funny stuff, can be found at: http://www.aish.com/jewlarious/

Bush Threatens Sanctions Against Ahmadinejad

I've written before that the news never changes. One might go so far as to say a great deal of it is 'cookie cutter journalism." That, of course, is not to put down all of the fine journalists out there who work so hard to get truly objective nonbiased news. However, I think for much of the news, one just needs to pull something out of archives, almost anything really, change a few names, a few places, a few "facts," and amazingly there is today's latest.

That said, I was in deep contemplation of this when the following floated across my computer screen. Falling down, down, down into the pit of my deep seated feelings that there is not enough laughter in the world, I had to share this with you. Enjoy!












Bush: Ahmadinejad Must Dismantle Last Name
Threatens Sanctions Against Polysyllabic Leader

The war of words between the United States and Iran heated up today as President George W. Bush demanded that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dismantle his last name or face serious sanctions.

Speaking from the Rose Garden at the White House, Mr. Bush made it clear that he believed Mr. Ahmadinejad’s possession of a difficult-to-pronounce, polysyllabic last name was a provocative act that the United States was not prepared to tolerate.

“The time has come for the Iranian president to make a choice,” Mr. Bush warned. “Does he want to continue down this dangerous, polysyllabic path, or does he want to join the community of peace-loving, monosyllabic world leaders?”

Under a plan being floated through diplomatic channels, Mr. Ahmadinejad’s last name would be subject to U.N. inspections and then dismantled syllable by syllable, ultimately
to be stored in a secure U.S. military facility in Tennessee.

Mr. Bush’s warning to President Ahmadinejad predictably garnered the support of several of his monosyllabic counterparts, such as Britain’s Tony Blair, South Korea’s Roh Moo Hyun and the Czech Republic’s Václav Klaus.

But his strong rhetoric was less warmly received by members of the so-called “polysyllabic movement,” led by Equatorial Guinea’s President Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo.

“We in the polysyllabic movement were offended by the president’s remarks,” Mr. Mbasogo said. “If Mr. Bush can pronounce the word ‘polysyllabic,’ he should have no problem with ‘Ahmadinejad.’”

Elsewhere, U.S. software mogul Charles Simonyi said that he agreed to pay $25 million to travel on board the Russian Soyuz TMA-10 spaceship only after repeatedly failing to travel on JetBlue.

From: Borowitzreport.com/

Hillary Clinton Blasts 'Hate-Filled' Palestinian Textbooks

From the NewsMax.com Staff
For the story behind the story...

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., on Thursday called for a rejection of new Palestinian textbooks that portray a world without Israel, refer to Jews as "Zionist gangs" and rewrite the Holocaust to ignore atrocities committed against Jews.

"We must stop the propaganda to which Palestinian children are exposed," Clinton said in a news conference in Washington, D.C. "These children deserve an education that instills respect for life and peace instead of glorifying death and violence."

Clinton, a candidate for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination, called the conference to release a report by Palestinian Media Watch, a Jerusalem-based group that monitors Palestinian media for anti-Israel bias. She said the books "do not give Palestinian children an education, they give them an indoctrination." To read the complete article go to:
http://www.newsmax.com/archives/ic/2007/2/9/115448.shtml?s=al&promo_code=2D35-1

Hillary has been a big supporter of a two state system. Unfortunately that whole concept isn't going to go away no matter how much we might like it to. I have not been a big supporter of Hillery in the past but my opinion of her just went up a few notches. However, textbooks have always been an issue and, while Israel keeps its part of the bargain, Palestinian schools just continue to pump out more and more hate. Having hope that things will change is great but the reality of the situation says different. When will our leaders wake up and say enough is enough - and mean it?